紅蓮

                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
有一個人 我想他是男生
                                                                               
嗯 很努力的一個男生
                                                                               
雖然他心思並不細密 但是他努力的滿足大多數人的期望
                                                                               
階段性的成就讓他更有自信去面對人生
                                                                               
雖然他的出身不好 沒什麼顯赫的家世
                                                                               
還有他的個性有些不足的地方 保守 安於現狀讓他習慣一條線的思考
                                                                               
不過他兢兢業業的過日子
                                                                               
直到有一天 他厭倦了
                                                                               
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                                
                                                                               
以下是他跟我的一段對話
                                                                               
他是我 我是他
------
他說 其實我過的很好 但是沒來由的哀愁不斷縈繞心頭
                                                                               
他想去看醫生
                                                                               
我對他說 你呀 只要多休息 偶爾翹翹課 睡個回籠覺 就沒事了
                                                                               
他說 要是那麼簡單 我還用的著問你嗎?
                                                                               
我說 事情就是那麼簡單 所以你問你自己就行了
                                                                               
結果他頭也不回的走了
                                                                               
走離我的生命 我看著他的背影 扮了個鬼臉
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
有一天 我去市場買菜
                                                                               
也許是因為冬天氣溫低的緣故 我的腦袋清楚到不行
                                                                               
嘴巴念念有詞 奇怪了 大白天冷的要死 偏偏一堆人都出來買 還塞車哩
                                                                               
我車停在恆光橋下 遇見了他
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
我想 他的樣子應該沒變
                                                                               
嗯...應該是男的吧我想
                                                                               
原來他早就看見了我 並且瞪視著我
                                                                               
他罵說 男的又怎樣 女的又怎樣 你又像什麼東西來著
                                                                               
我說 你最近過的好嗎
                                                                               
他說 過的好才有鬼
                                                                               
我說 一大早就髒話連篇 你那個來了?
                                                                               
他說 那個來了又怎著 誰不是每天都哪個來著?
                                                                               
     你脾氣來了 你高興起來了 你爽歪了 你MC來了
                                                                               
     你媽的 你又是怎麼個來著?
                                                                               
我說 我媽說 罵別人就是罵自己...
                                                                               
他說 所以我寧願罵別人也不要罵自己 你買你的菜 少煩我
                                                                               
我說 可你這樣子...
                                                                               
他說 我告訴你 我生平最痛恨別人可憐我 一副我必須被救贖的模樣
                                                                               
     每個人都是我的父母我的神
                                                                               
     你娘的 你都救不了自己了還有空鳥別人?
                                                                               
     操 真的受不了 你看起來比醫生還不可靠!
                                                                               
我說 我管你來著 我關心你又惹著你了?
                                                                               
他說 我的媽 你不是常說過多的關心是種壓力嗎?
                                                                               
     愛之適足以害之
                                                                               
     親情是另一種形式的暴力
                                                                               
     媽的 你到底唸不唸書?
                                                                               
我說 你是我朋友...
                                                                               
他說 我朋友! 你真是我的朋友 就不應該憐憫我 可憐我 鄙夷我
                                                                               
     口口聲聲理性理性 你有人性嗎?
                                                                               
     你懂得了一個跟你生命一樣平等的人嗎?
                                                                               
     你睡個覺可以過的好 不代表別人就可以!
                                                                               
     那是你沒神經 你沒大腦 你想法不清楚!
                                                                               
我說 我愛你...
                                                                               
他說 你...你真要逼我發瘋不成?
                                                                               
     我只要你靜靜的聽我說就好 靜靜地看著我 看清楚我 看透我
                                                                               
     而不是自作聰明假同理心!
                                                                               
我說 那我不說話 你怎麼知道我想的是什麼 我怎麼讓你知道我怎麼看待你?
                                                                               
他說 那是你太沉著 太冷靜 現實冷酷自以為理性
                                                                               
     我無時無刻不在跟你說 你卻當耳邊風
                                                                               
     你不小心說出來的隻字片語卻不斷的割裂我的心
                                                                               
     你要我聽你說什麼? 聽你的話傷我的心?
                                                                               
我說 我該買菜了
                                                                               
他說 看吧
                                                                               
     這時候你還能那麼冷靜!
                                                                               
我說 我不買菜 我怎麼活下去?
                                                                               
     我不買菜 我的家人手足靠什麼活?
                                                                               
     我不買菜 我活不下去 我怎麼照顧你?
                                                                               
     我不買菜 你要吃什麼?
                                                                               
他說 所以我無言以對
                                                                               
     因為你說的都是對的 所以我都是錯的 不理性 胡鬧任性鬧脾氣
                                                                               
我說 不是的
                                                                               
     你的心思被障住了
                                                                               
他說 這也是我的業
                                                                               
     與你無關
                                                                               
     我也不想理
                                                                               
我說 所以我無言以對了...